It’s Doesn’t Have to Be One Dream or the Other

So many of us believe that once we become moms, that’s it.
That motherhood is now our one big dream — and we’re not allowed to want more.

And for some, that’s true. Motherhood is enough.
We literally created a human inside our bodies — of course that changes everything.

But for others? There are dreams still lingering — creative, professional, playful, spiritual — and because motherhood is so busy, so all-consuming, we quietly set those dreams aside.

We tell ourselves:
“I’m too old for this now.”
“I have responsibilities now.”
“I have small people I need to keep alive now.”

But pursuing the dreams that still live inside us — even in tiny ways — is vital.
Not just for our joy or sanity… but for how we show up for our kids, what we pass on as burdens.

Eek — it scared me to think that, but it felt very true.
I always felt such deep sadness that my parents weren’t doing jobs they loved.I carried so much guilt and responsibility growing up — like it was my duty to save them when I got older.

But lately, I’ve been watching my mom —
She’s gotten passionate about her real estate career, tried out new tech and marketing ideas, reinvested in her artistic side through painting, and prioritized self-care, travel, and fun.

And I’ve felt so inspired to keep doing the same.
I no longer see motherhood as martyrdom.

Three Small Ways to Start

As deep feelers, we often have more than one dream.
So inspiration and motivation are only half the equation — where do we even start?

For a long time, I got stuck trying to figure out which one was my truest dream — and that kept me from taking any action. But once I started taking tiny, imperfect steps toward one dream, I gained clarity on them all.

If you’re holding multiple dreams and unsure where to start, here are 3 science-backed ways to begin — even if you’re busy or burned out:

1. Clarify your values first.

Before you chase a dream, get clear on what matters most to you.
Do you crave freedom, creative expression, connection, stability, visibility?

This isn’t about finding your “one true calling.”
It’s about aligning your energy with what actually matters — right now.

Here are a few different ways you can figure out your values:

• Tiny Creativity Method™ — helps you surface your core values through small creative acts that fit into your real life.

• How to Use AI to Clarify Your Values — helps you use AI to reconnect with your values

• 5 Simple Ways to Clarify Your Values — 5 Simple Strategies to save time, energy & drama by reconnecting with what matters most

🧠 Science says: Values clarity reduces decision fatigue and increases intrinsic motivation (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy).

2. Time box dates with your dreams.

Time-boxing is the practice of setting a fixed amount of time for something — and stopping when the time is up, not when the task feels perfect.
It helps override perfectionism by giving your brain a boundary: “Done” means the time is over, not that it’s flawless.

Look at your calendar and carve out a 15-minute block. If 15 feels too big, start with 10. Or 5. Just make it official — like it’s a meeting with someone important. (Because it is.)

Don’t cancel. Don’t reschedule. Unless there’s a true emergency.

Then, simply sit and spend that time with your dream.

You can write, talk out loud, brain-dump into a voice note.
You don’t have to do anything big.
Just pay attention.

Get to know your dream better.

These quiet “dream dates” helped me notice patterns. Over time, I saw which ideas wouldn’t leave me alone — and that’s where I began.

🧠 Science says: Small, consistent actions — even just 5–10 minutes — can rewire your brain through neuroplasticity, creating new pathways for clarity and motivation. — Source: Stanford Behavior Design Lab, BJ Fogg

3. Find one dream-safe person.

Pick one person — a friend, sibling, therapist, coach, or partner — who you can talk to about your dreams.

Even a 10-minute convo once a week can make your dreams feel more real.

Don’t underestimate the power of being witnessed. When someone else holds your dream with you, it stops feeling like a fantasy — and starts becoming part of your life.

If you don’t have a dream-safe person in your life right now, or even the safest person feels doesn’t feel quite safe yet to share with, I’ve been there, and I’m brainstorming ways to provide that support for other deep feelers in this phase of their dream building, 1:1 or in a group. Make sure to subscribe if you’re interested in hearing more about this when it’s ready.

🧠 Science says:
Research shows people who regularly report progress to a supportive person are 76% more likely to achieve their goals (Dominican University study, 2015). Accountability works — especially when it’s relational.

Personal Story: What Happened When I Stopped Waiting

When I was younger, I knew I wanted to be a actor, writer, filmmaker, a storyteller of some sort. I used to write scripts as soon as I learned how to read and write.
But growing up in an immigrant family, those dreams didn’t feel safe — or realistic.

So I studied finance. I got a job. I did fine. But I felt like I was sleepwalking through my own life.
I became determined to find a better fit — something creative that still paid the bills.

Eventually, I found UX Design — a creative career that still felt “practical.” I applied to grad school and got in.

Even though I was excited, a part of me felt like I was betraying my real dream.
But it still felt more me than finance, so I took the step.

But in my first week of design school, everything shifted.

We had a 2-day video editing workshop, led by Brenda Laurel — an innovative designer, writer, and theatre-trained creative who believed deeply in emotional storytelling through design.

Her framework — Computers as Theatre — changed everything for me.
It was the first time I saw someone blend all their passions instead of choosing between them.

Even though I’d never used editing software before, I poured myself into Final Cut Pro.
I made a video essay about a moment in NYC when I realized I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.

It was a 2-day workshop, so the output was a a bit hackey, sweet, a little cringey but it completely changed my life: it was the first time I ever shared my personal writing publicly and it cracked me open and finally gave me courage to share my voice.

I finally felt awake and alive in my own life.

Since then, I’ve acted in several indie films, won awards for both acting and writing, and drafted a 7,500-word manuscript of a novel.

Even though UX wasn’t what I thought of as my ultimate forever “dream,” it brought me closer to it. It helped me discover my voice, led me into rooms with other creatives —
people who have stable jobs and side dreams. People who make space for both.

It showed me that storytelling is my throughline. I realized even in finance, I was telling stories about company’s financial statements so investors could decide whether or not they should invest.

And just recently, at work in my design job, I created a bit of a character and acted out a skit for a presentation — and my coworkers were blown away.
One even sent me a GIF of someone winning an Oscar. 😂

Now my manager consistently suggests I use my acting skills in key meetings.
It’s surreal. I used to hide that part of me to grow my career.
Now it’s helping me grow.

Then, one of the most full-circle, cycle-breaking, heart-bursting moments…

My 8-year-old daughter told me she wants to be an actor, and came home a bit dejected from her school career fair because she didn’t see any booths for actors.
So I showed her clips of my film projects, and her face lit up, when I was able to show her, not just tell her that her dreams are valid, real, and achievable.

If nothing else, remember this…

You don’t have to pick just one path.
You don’t have to wait until the kids are grown.
You don’t have to be perfect or ready.

You just have to begin.

Because every time you say yes to even a sliver of an authentic dream —
you tell your nervous system that —
that all of you is allowed to take up space.

It’s not about one dream surviving the others,
It’s about letting them all help each other thrive.

If you’re a deep-feeling, multi-passionate mom navigating this too — just know you’re not alone.

📣 Stop waiting for someone to rescue you someday.
Your ever after is yours and it is right now.

With so many feelings,
Diana 💖

🔑 P.S. If you missed it — last week I talked about how contamination thinking made me suspicious of joy, keeping me stuck when I’m feeling down or depressed. I think it’s relevant as we think about finding that one perfect dream, too, so I pulled my reels into one YouTube video for easy reference.

💛 Share the newsletter with someone you think it’d resonate with. Let’s get these nuanced truths about authenticity out there together.

@everafterisnow on Instagram | @everafterisnow on Youtube